"HEY LADY! THAT IS MY CERVIX YOU KEEP PUNCHING WITH THAT DAMN SPECULUM!!!!"

Everything is timed with infertility treatments.  So timed that it is down the the half hour, even minutes.  Unfortunatly, this cycle's schedule does not work with my Dr.'s schedule.  So,  the other Dr. in the office is going to do this IUI.  I am not too worried.  She use to head the Mayo Clinic's infertility center, among other prestigous titles.  She has also done ultra sounds on me before, including my HSG test.  This is a test where they shoot saline or dye into your uterus and fallopian tubes to make sure everything is okay.  That test is somewhat painful but it was managable.  So, I thought having this Dr. do the IUI would be ok.  She does this everyday.

Um.  OUCH!  Remember when I said that I never feel anything during my IUI's when my Dr. does them? This Dr. sexually assaulted me with the speculum.  Now, she has been doing this for probably 30 years or more.  Is she just old?  It was as if she did not know how to use the instruments.  She kept shoveing the speculum into my cervix.  One time, I can understand, two maybe.  You know, this Dr. is not use to my body like Dr. is.  But for a whole 10 minutes?  It is my vagina.  Not a pile of dirt you are trying to shovel into a  fucking wheel barrel.  I am so angry.  I made my pain known and she did not seem to care.  I am pissed.  You would think a women would be more gentle.  I miss my doctor.  I want my doctor!!!!!

She inserts the catheder to put my husbands sperm inside my uterus.  It makes this really strange noise.  There was never any noise with the past two IUI's MY Dr. did.  Is something wrong?  Is she doing this right?  Oh god, if this does not work and she just assaulted me, I will kill her.

I stumble out to the waiting room to my husband who helps me into the car.  I go home and rest.  I cannot stand up straight for two days.  This cannot be normal.