We start again. Due to my diagnosis this summer of Thrombophilia, I can no longer take birth control pills to start my cycle. So, I get to take progesterone pills. Bring on the moodiness, sore boobies, hunger pains, headaches. I hate progesterone. Probably not as much as I hate clomid, but still. So, I take the pills, get my period, and go in for my baseline ultrasound. Cyst. You may think to yourself "well, you do have poly cystic ovarian syndrome." Yes, I do, however, I have never had cysts you can see before. It is hard to explain. But, because of the cyst, this cycle is down the drain.
I know the routine. I take the progesterone, get a period, go in for a baseline ultrasound. Everything looks good. So, I start 150mg of clomid, the evil drug. clomid stimulates your ovaries to produce multiple follicles at once. It also tricks your body into thinking it is in menopause. So, you probably have an idea of how it makes you feel. Take PMS to another level. And the hunger! It is a bottomless pit. But, it is manage. On the 150 mg dose that is. So, I take it. I go in for my first monitoring ultrasound. I have a few follicles, but they are not even at a 10 yet. They need to be at least 18 in order for IUI (intrauterine insemination) to take place. I was a bit worried. I remember the last time this worked, I did have to come back twice as my ovaries are a little slow. The doctor tells me it is not over, come back in two days.
Two days later. They are not at 15. This cycle is over. The Dr. says "Your disease is getting worse." What am I suppose to do with that? We try again on 150. So, we start over with the progesterone, the clomid, and the ultra sounds. I am getting tired of this.
When I go in for my monitoring ultrasound, I have great news! One follicle is already 20 mm! We are set for IUI three. I take an HCG injection two days later, have intercourse, then bring in my husbands sperm three days after my last appointment. The procedure goes well. I have a great Dr. I never feel much until afterward, and then it is just mild cramping for a couple of days. Makes sense, since they are inserting a very long catheter through your cervix and into your uterus. Now, the three week wait begins. I say three because if you are taking HCG injections, which is what is detected for pregnancy, you have to wait after your booster shot. A bout a week after my IUI's I take a booster HCG shot, which is a half dose. So, two weeks after that, we test for pregnancy with a blood test.
Why oh why does this always happen over the holidays? Thank god we decided to spend it alone. We had a wonderful holiday, just the three of us. My hubby, me and the dog. It was all great, until the day after Christmas. I start bleeding. This round is over.
I go into the Dr.'s office and they say it did not work because my progesterone level was not high enough. Okay. So how do we fix this? Doc says, higher dose of clomid. WHAT!?! That means I would be on the highest dose. Did I forget to mention OHSS? Over hyper-stimulation syndrome? This is not a good thing. The higher you go, the worse the side effects, including the chances of OHSS which can be deadly. I take a step back. I begin to feel the hole in my heart, the loneliness, the impending black world we live in right now. Okay, I sigh. I agree.
Holy blurred vision batman! After day four on the clomid, I start seeing spots. I remember seeing spots on the clomid before, so I do not worry. The day progresses, and so do the spots. Then they turn into waves. By day five I have blurred vision. Now, I know this is a side effect, however, all the research says if you have vision side effects, contact your Dr. immediately. Well, I have one more does to take, so I just keep on going.
The day my first monitoring ultra sound is scheduled, there is a massive snow storm. We still make it to the appointment, but the Dr. did not. His nurse does the ultra sound and does not have good news. I am not responding to the clomid. I have two follicles, but they are only at 10 and 12. I tell the nurse about my vision issues. She said that probably means no more clomid. It means possibly injectables or IVF. I was a bit shocked. I do not know why, but I always thought I would never be one of "those". I would not have to go that far. My disease was not that bad. I was devastated, but somewhat relieved,
I am so tired of the emotional and physical toll this all takes on my body. It has given me some very low moments. Moments I do not want to look back on. So, on one had, not having to take the clomid is appetizing. I go home and tell my husband and we prepare ourselves for the worst yet again.
I still have to go to my second monitoring ultra sound to be safe. This time, my Dr. is there to perfom. it. Surprise! You have two follicles ready. Wait, what? But the nurse said it was over, said we were on to IVF. The nurse was wrong! We are doing an IUI. Shock. Excitment. Fear. Okay, so we do one more IUI and then IVF. Doc says no. If my progesterone level is where it should, I potentially have two more chances on clomid. Fuck. Or, great? I dunno. I hate clomid.