Today was amazing on so many levels. The night before, or morning, I did not fall asleep until 5 am. My alarm went of at 6 am. My husband was already in the shower. Usually he showers in his own full bathroom downstairs but we had some work done in that room. Once he got out, I got into a freezing, madening cold shower! I was not a happy girl! Needless to say I had some choice words for hubby.
Right before we left, I broke down and apologized. Progesterone has made me into a monster these days! Let alone the massive mounds of sore muscle on my butt joined with several scabs from all the injections. I just want this to be over. I thought I would be elated before hand. Excited that this was the final step in the IVF process. Maybe I was just exhausted and being the progesterone monster, but I was not excited.
I know some women are very elated on transfer day. But for me it was a reminder of all the things my husband and I cannot do on our own. You would think after two years of infertility treatments you would get use to that, but you never do. Everything in the IF world is purely scientific. It is not romantic. There is no foreplay. Well, unless you count foreplay as the doctor entering the speculum with jelly. There is no post coital bliss.
Once we were at the office and the embryologist came in to introduce us to our babies, everything changed. It was so cool to see those embies! Not many women get to see what it looks like when you and hubby make a life together until the baby shows up on ultrasound. It was a beautiful moment. The embryologist said our embryos were perfect for transfer. She said the two that were going back in could not be more perfect. There were two that did not make it, but four others are waitng to be cultured and frozen.
We were then walked back to the OR and recovery area. I did the disrobing and lovely gown, booties, and surgical cap application. I kissed hubby good bye and went to lay back onto the table, also known as the monster! Of course my bladder is completlty full in order to use ultra sound to guide the Dr. They tilt the bed almost entirely upside down. The procedure itself lasted about three minutes. The lab, which opens the middle part of a door by my feet, peeks in and asks me to state my name. Then they give the syringe with the embryos to the Dr. The Dr. inserts a catheter into my uterus and then uses the syringe to insert the embryos. Once that is done, I am left to lay upside down for 20 minutes.
While I was laying there, I started to realize what just happened. My body is now the home of two perfect little embryos hoping to bury into my thick warm uterine lining, to eventually become our children. Wow. It is strange, scary, unnatural, wondrous, exciting all in one. Once I was released from my bat like state I was allowed to pee! I have never been so excited to pee! I was reunited with my husband and given our discharge instructions. Bed rest for the rest of the weekend.
I thought I would have cried at some point during the procedure. I actually felt numb during the actual insertion of the embies. Your not allowed to talk or move. So I made sure I followed those instructions. Once we got home I texted our parents a picture of their grand babies.
Now the wait begins. We know there is no guarentee. The Dr. feels optomistic and says we have a good chance. But what is a chance, really? Life is chance, literally. With my first pregnancy I lost the baby because I had PCOS and was undiagnosed. After one round of clomid and IUI and metformin I got pregnant and lost at 10 weeks because I had undiagnosed thrombophilia and a blood clot caused the miscarriage. I am being treated for all of the above. My fear is, what is the third issue?
I find out on May 4th if I remain pregnant. I will be excited, but not outwardly so as I have to wait until 12 weeks before I feel calm about these babies. I pray that they both make it. I am using biofeedback to work on getting them to bury in and growig into a fetus. I am wishing on every star. I am doing anything and everything in my power to stay pregnant. Or as many fellow IVFers say PUPO. Pregnant until proven otherwise. So, I will go and rest, and enjoy being pregnant for the next 10 days.